I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
