im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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