More tranny stories later!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
