sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
