I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
