so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
