she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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