I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
