I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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