he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
