im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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