you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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