U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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