my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
