no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
