Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
