Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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