I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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