there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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