is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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