Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
