There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
