Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
