It's a beautiful day for a hangover
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize