You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
