I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
