The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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