I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
