It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
