is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
