tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
