I am midnight drunk by noon
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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