I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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