He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
