My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
