Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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