Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His nipple licking is glorious
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