You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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