a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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