Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
