Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
