I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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