shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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