Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
