how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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