he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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