is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
