Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
