She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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