Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
