porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
