oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
