so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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