This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
