I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
