At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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