are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
