Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
