You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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