I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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