My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
