So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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