if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
