You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
