Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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