How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
