I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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