I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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