Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
