I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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