Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
