Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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