xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
