i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
