My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
